a bit of birthday brooding
November 20, 2011 § 7 Comments
Three decades, two years, and a couple of weeks ago, I was born. A special occasion? Indeed, it was Halloween! Regrettably, Halloween is a scary time, as was my recent birthday. It was shamefully filled with shameless self-deprecation. Wasn’t it just a year ago when I started this blog, that I entered my champagne birthday, my 31st year on the 31st day of October, ecstatic about the things to come? How could I feel so different after an entire year of much creativity and productivity?
Well, the brooding bellowed on the evening of October 25th, six nights before my birthday. It was perhaps the most exciting day I have had this whole year (of course, second to O.T. proposing). I couldn’t believe that within a year of starting this blog, I have been gifted with so many opportunities to share my crafts ideas with you. That day, after my wee three minutes on TV, I actually stayed at Canadian Living for the remainder of the morning to take a peek behind the scenes of the magazine.
Coincidentally, the craft I designed for the 2012 Valentine’s issue was being photographed that morning and I stayed to watch the magic unfold in the studio. As I witnessed my craft get styled (superbly styled in ways I didn’t imagine nor could afford) and professionally photographed for my first print publication, I forgot about my life. I was in the hustle and bustle of creative people like me.
At noon I drove back to work, feeling a bottomless pit in my stomach knowing that my day-to-day reality is much different, knowing that I would revert back to my cubicle and into the palms of a bully, and knowing that my truest talents are not put to use at my job.
The rest of the day was a blur. But the night came, and I tossed and turned and I cried. Lamented. Bawled my eyes out until the point of no return when no chilled-in-the-fridge-cucumber-serum-depuffing-metal-ball-roller could save my baggy eyes from looking like they were stung by bees.
“How come there are people doing what they love for a living, day in and day out, and how come I’m not one of them?”. It played like a broken tape.
Oh, boo hoo to me.
I kept this glum outlook for a while. Right through my birthday. And up to the recent days.
However, upon closer inspection, so many wonderful things have happened to me in a year! And I know (fully comprehend) that life doesn’t happen overnight, sometimes not over three decades. But life happens as we go from day-to-day. I rest assured that I will do my best not to waste it. If not for the person I am now, then for the little girl born thirty two years ago who never dreamed of spending each and every single day waiting for the day to be able to do something she loves. I’ll do my best for her. And I think I’ve done my best so far. Baby steps!